I am sore! Everything hurts all of the time.  It is not a specific pain, it’s just a constant aching that moves from one area to the other. I am cranky, I feel old and I am slowly getting out of shape. I see myself in the mirror and I look so different but really I am over that. I would like my life back if I didn’t have to do any of the work in the process because I am content to just sit back watch my TV shows. I am past the point of being able to change my habits despite the fact that I am aware that I am making matters worst. The other day I actually got on the floor and stretched. I must say that it wasn’t half bad but I am not willing to make a habit of that! To make matters worst I hate my chair at work, the seat in my car is beyond uncomfortable and my mattress is the absolute worst. I am up almost every two hours and when I’m not up, I am tossing and turning. I will be going into the mattress store one day soon when I get enough time and energy to pick one out. I use to wear nice fragrances but now I wear the aroma of Bengay and other pain relieving lotions. I use to be embarrassed when people identified me as the person smelling like a human mothball, now I steer right back because I rather smell than to be in pain!  

More than 100 million people live in chronic pain*

I received a gift certificate to get a massage and right before it expired I dragged myself in. I was not thrilled to get underdressed and to lay on the massage table like a piece of meat. Getting onto the table was quite tricky and in the process I showed way more of my achy body than I intended.  I was so embarrassed and I could not get that outta my head the whole time. Before  halfway through the session, I informed the masseuse that I wanted to end the massage.  I don’t think it was a complete shock because I was noticeably uncomfortable the entire time. I felt so bad that I left a 50%  tip and rushed out the door in a huff. I tried to hold back the tears but as I approached my car, I broke down. I cried so hard that I didn’t notice that the masseuse had followed me out. When I realized that she actually witnessed my breakdown I was so embarrassed but before I had a chance to explain she took me in her arms and gave me the most sincere hug that I have ever received.

Nothing happens by chance

We spent the next two hours in a nearby Starbucks talking. She was the most honest person that I have ever spoken with and was not ashamed to disclose to me that she was a recovering addict from prescriptive drugs. For years the medication was masking her pain and not dealing with the source of it. A simple pinched nerve had actually developed into much more and she became hooked on all sorts of pills. The more she spoke the more I understood that I was an addict and needed help. In the next few weeks I visited her doctor and slowly started weaning off the the medication. Last week I had hip surgery  and I have not felt this good in years. I am beginning to claim my life back and I am thankful for the night a stranger looked at me and saw herself. I am blessed that she saw enough in me to take time to help. I know there is a God because I got off the table that night to go home and take the remaining pills all at once to simply just end it. I had no intention of waking up the following morning, I had it all planned until God sent an angel to into my life so that I could live.


*According to the Institute of Medicine, 100 million people live in pain costing around $600 billion dollars a year in treatment. If you are living in chronic pain, please seek out a pain management professional. You can also reach out to The American Pain Society.